Paladin Force

Day 366

I've ended up playing Dissidia 012 a lot more than I'd originally intended. After completing the primary story mode I likely could have stopped right there and counted the game as beaten. I assumed the Confessions of the Creator mode would continue and conclude the storyline established in the original Dissidia game and be a logical progression in difficulty from the main story mode. This has turned out not to be the case, at least as far as the difficulty goes. The difficulty has so far been significantly higher. My primary characters Cecil and Yuna are at level 100 (with only passable gear, mind you) and I'm still definitely having some issues. A large part of the problem lies with me being terrible at fighting games, no doubt.

I really do like the game a lot and think that it's reasonably deep and well designed, although I am perhaps not the best person to comment on such a thing. I'm definitely not an authority on the genre and aside from the gameplay itself I find myself drawn to the customization aspects of the game--both with equipment/accessories and abilities. These elements add a lot of variety and strategy to the game beyond the raw mechanical skill required to succeed in combat.

The main story mode was difficult at times, but it was a joke in comparison to what Confessions of the Creator has to offer. There were many instances in the story mode where I could get by by spamming HP Attacks until my foes were vanquished. Confessions of the Creator is forcing me to time my dodges appropriately lest I be punished by counterattacks, to block incoming attacks to force staggers, and to space appropriately. Playing all out offense is no longer a viable strategy unless I significantly outlevel the AI opponent, and sometimes not even then. The odds are frequently stacked heavily in their favor, depending on the circumstances surrounding the match.

I don't think I'd ever be able to play Dissidia competitively. I'm not convinced I don't have the skill to reach the level of proficiency required to compete with better players, but I just don't have the patience to do it--at least not for a game that has a pretty marginal scene at best. A cursory investigation of a few online Dissidia communities reveals that although the scene was once vibrant and growing, it is now approaching stagnation. This is kind of sad because I feel like Dissidia is a game with a lot of strategic depth and fun characters, but I can understand when something like this happens. The scene will likely die out completely if Square-Enix chooses not to release another title in the series.

I'm not going to consider Dissidia 012 finished until I finish Confessions of the Creator, even if the credits rolled after the main story mode. It seems like a copout to call that a finished game when there is so much content left to finish. I dreaded taking on Chaos in that mode because of how difficult he was in the original Dissidia but in this particular case he was shockingly easy. I can't imagine the same will be true for the final boss of Confessions of the Creator. I can imagine being stuck there for weeks--which is annoying, because there are a lot of games I'd like to pick up on after I'm finished with this one.

I play a lot of games that are very simple to finish but this is not one of those games. I do enjoy the sense of accomplishment that comes from finishing a game like this one, but I am getting a little antsy here. I'd really like to finish Fire Emblem: New Mystery of the Emblem as well, a game that is a similar roadblock to clearing out my backlog. I did finish Divinity: Original Sin last night though, and I'll probably talk about that a bit tomorrow!

A Year-Long Experiment

It's been a long year.

When I started this blog, I had just found work at a new job that I hated. Despite this, it was one of the first callbacks I'd received since returning from Indianapolis for best forgotten reasons--so I jumped on the opportunity. The shifts were long and grueling, even though the work itself was quite inactive. Standing up for 10 hours at a time was a huge adjustment for me to make after lazing around the house for months prior to that. My feet were in constant pain and although I did my best to put on a brave face, I was fairly miserable.

Honestly, what prompted me to start the blog in the first place was the desire to reach out and talk about the things I was passionate about. I needed an outlet for that kind of thing and I felt I had a lot to say. The first few entries of this blog might suggest otherwise as I vainly struggled to find things to say--but since then, it's generally gotten easier each day. It's no longer a painful or boring process to compose these entries. At least not usually. I won't lie that sometimes there are days when I feel blocked, but I am hesitant to use that dubious term "writer's block." I identify strongly with Jerry Seinfeld's assertion that it's a "phony made-up excuse for not doing your work."

I started this blog at a time I felt unfulfilled.

For years and years I've bemoaned the fact that I never write anymore. My last LiveJournal entry in December, 2011 stated that I was fed up with my lack of effort in the creative arena and that I was going to pledge to be creative in the future. I established this blog shortly after that, but updated it very infrequently with entries of dubious merit--before relegating it to a blog used for chronicling my ranked games in League of Legends, an exercise that required little to no effort for me. What purpose did that serve? Was it to make me feel better? I look back on these entries and they seem like little more than a waste of space.

Three or four months after I made that LiveJournal entry, I quit my job at Walmart, where I had worked for over four years. I was fed up and I had had enough. I quit without a plan, though, and that was a bad idea. It became obvious that I wasn't going to be able to support myself and no doubt played a large role in my partner's decision to leave me at the time. This was a very depressing part of my life--a time in which I felt no desire to be creative or even to exist, if I'm being honest. I drifted lazily from day to day with very little care of where I ended up, jobless, poor, and living with my mother--until a call from a longtime online friend came in out of the blue, asking if I'd like to move to Austin, Texas. I said yes.

Even though the months following that decision were not always the happiest, it was the start of a new beginning. It was a time for self improvement in a variety of ways. I walked to work just about every day while I was in Austin and gained an appreciation for exercise. When I eventually returned to Kentucky (under admittedly less than ideal circumstances,) I retained that appreciation for exercise and started jogging just about every other day. This is one practice I wished I'd continued until today!

It was this trend toward self improvement and this desire to become a better person that prompted me to start this blog. I had always regretted not being a more creative and expressive person--and I set out to change that. I started playing Baldur's Gate, a game that was very important to my childhood--and I saw that it definitely held up. I wanted to talk about that, to revel in my passion for gaming in general. And that started it. That started this whole thing, and I'm really glad it did, because that led to a total revival of my creative juices.

I have updated every day for 365 days.

Okay, so there were a few entries here and there that were a tad late--but I always made sure they were done even if I fell asleep or was out all night. Granted, this didn't happen often--but even when I made an impromptu trip to Florida for three days, I made sure to update every single day. It was important to me and still is. This exercise is responsible for making me feel better about myself and better about my trajectory in life, even if to this day, things aren't as great as I'd like.

Before I started this blog, I hadn't written any fiction in years. I trawled the logs of my LiveJournal and found a pitiful excerpt of a trope-laden fantasy story from 2007. FictionPress.com contains stories from 2003, when I was fifteen years old. No other significant records exist of stores I've written--until this year. I have written roughly 51877 words over the course of this year in contribution to my story Strands. It is a disjointed mess of a story that seems to be going nowhere--but it doesn't matter! I have written over 50 thousand words after writing nothing for years. That is something to be proud of, regardless of the content. Sure, NaNoWriMo contestants will write that amount in a month's time, but you have to take into account that I'm contributing to this story between entries about other things as well. I can't even imagine how many words I've written over the course of every entry on this blog!

I have completed and written about 26 games in the last year.

When I first returned from Austin, I had a really hard time finding a job. I wasn't feeling great about myself because I felt in many ways I'd failed at what I set out to do. I wanted to make a sort life for myself in Austin, because honestly, I really liked it there. The temperate climate, the lack of humidity, the liberal populace--I liked a lot about that place. Returning to Kentucky after that seemed like a punch in the face. As a result, I spent a lot of time not looking for a job and instead trying to find other ways to remain fulfilled. I was playing a lot of video games, so I decided maybe I should write about them!

I couldn't begin to tell you how I decided on what game to start with, but for some reason I thought it would be really cool to start out with retro NES games with very little exposure. I remembered playing Crystalis when I was a little kid and when I revisited it, I found that I really liked it and a had a lot to say about it, despite the game's relatively barebones structure. I wrote an extremely extensive review of it and then moved on to a game even I'd never heard of--Faria: A World of Mystery and Danger. This was another NES RPG that in all honesty was not very good. I decided to write an extremely detailed review of it regardless and I had a lot of fun doing it!

I realized all of a sudden that I loved writing about that stuff and I'd love to continue doing it. I experimented with the idea of setting up a review website but it didn't take long before I realized how oversaturated the internet is with that kind of thing, even if the topic of discussion is obscure titles. I eventually settled on the idea of a blog in which I'd discuss gaming--and anything else that came to mind. I haven't looked back since.

I have used 363 unique song titles as titles of blog entries.

On Day 3, I used the song "Heart of the Sunrise" by Yes as the name of the entry after being dissatisfied with the incredibly generic title of the entry preceding it. I didn't want there to be a series of generic and passionless titles on this blog so I decided instead to adorn every entry with a song I was really enjoying at the time. It was easy at first because at the time I was listening to a lot of music--and there were so many classics from my collection to draw upon that I'd been frequently listening to for years.

As time passed, it became more and more difficult to think of new song titles for these entries. I felt pressured to discover new music just so I'd have more song titles to draw on! In a way this was good because I really do enjoy discovering new music, but over the course of the past several months, I've resorted to using just about every song from every album I've been listening to, regardless of whether or not I cared for it all that much. It is a nice snapshot of what I was listening to at the time, but it doesn't give me any insight into what I was really enjoying.

As a result, I've decided I'm not going to be doing it anymore for Year Two. I may or may not think of a new theme for these titles, but it's just as likely every title will be unique and suited to the specific entry. I'm also considering omitting the parenthetical day from the title and included it in the entry itself instead. This will likely make my entries seem more interesting on RSS feeds. Although many of my entries are incredibly TL;DR (like this one), I feel I frequently write entries that would be interesting for certain audiences!

The experiment was a success.

Regardless of what's going on in my life right now or what happens from now on, I can say with all confidence that I am proud of what I've accomplished here. Not every entry is an example of excellent quality, but for the most part I have made a genuine effort to write genuinely about things that are on my mind--which frequently happens to be video games, mind you--and I feel I've become a better writer because of it. In this case, it's not about boning up on my fundamentals or perfecting the technical aspects of writing. It's about pulling the thoughts from my brain and committing them to word as effectively and clearly as possible. For my fictional writing, I still have a considerable way to go--but for articles such as these and for my many gaming-related entries, I think I've done a great job at communicating my thoughts.

I don't know what the future holds for this blog. There are a lot more things I'd like to try, especially when it comes to video and distribution. As much of a passion project and exercise in self-indulgence as this is, I certainly wouldn't mind if it had some kind of audience. It's crossed my mind on several occasions that I should be trying to get this out there somewhere. One of the selling points for LiveJournal for me back in the day was not only the writing aspect, but the social interaction. This blog has been good for me in many ways, but it has not sparked much in the way of social interaction. If I could make that happen somehow, that would be great.

As I have so frequently said nearing the end of these entries that it has become a personal cliche: "we'll see what happens."

My Sword Hand's Anger (Day 364)

I've been racking my brains trying to figure out what I should do for my 365th entry on this blog. Technically, that entry has already passed, but it can be hardly counted since I didn't formally start the blog until August 7, 2013. I guess it would actually make a lot more sense just to make a special entry on August 7th, but that would actually be the 357th entry and I feel like I should be starting something new on that date instead of reflecting on the old.

I don't know. I just haven't decided what I'm going to do yet. I've considered the idea of doing some sort of retrospective on what I've accomplished over the course of this year multiple times and honestly, that's probably what's going to happen. The only problem with that is that I really do want to do exactly that at the end of this year since I've been keeping track of absolutely everything I've done for the whole year so far. I wouldn't want to do half a retrospective just because I happen to have been writing this blog for a year already.

I do know that I'm going to want pictures of some kind. That's something this blog sorely needs more of--pictures. I know no one really reads it but I just feel like it makes it more memorable. I like the idea of looking back on this blog in a few years and being able to see screenshots from games I was playing and other stuff like that. I'm pretty sure every picture in this blog so far is a screenshot--and that's fine, because I play a lot of video games--but I wonder what else I could include in the future? The videos I posted for Tales of Destiny and Front Mission 3 were a good start and they were fun to do. The commentary for FM3 will likely never be viewed by anyone but it was a pretty fun thing to record.

I've really been wanting to record some footage from Dissidia 012 because it's a really flashy and fun game to watch in action--but unfortunately my processor is not up to the task of rendering such a recording accurately. I'd hoped my new graphics card would make things like this easier, but it's become pretty clear I'll need to upgrade a few more components sometime in the future.

I took some time today to read some old entries from my LiveJournal to get some perspective on how my writing has changed over the years. It's interesting because even though that blog dates all the way back to 2005 or maybe even a little earlier, I never updated all that frequently, and the average length of my entries was quite short. I think this was due in no small part to the fact that I actually expected it to be read by other people! Now I just don't care if anyone reads this stuff and I update every single day with entries of ridiculous length!

Blogging is a narcissistic, self-indulgent thing to do anyway, I guess. Despite this, I feel it's really been good for me. It gives me more of a sense of purpose in a weird way. There are a lot of things about myself that I don't like, but I'm reasonably proud that I write something every single day. Not everyone can say that.

Chances Are (Day 363)

My co-op partner and I are in the middle of the final battle of Divinity and it's looking very likely we'll be finishing the game tomorrow night. We would have gone ahead and tried to finish tonight but it was getting late enough as it was and there was still a lot of strategizing to be done. It's most likely going to be pretty tough, but I think we'll pull through. I'm glad we've finally made it to the final encounter because the amount of content in the game is truly intimidating.

I've also finished the main storyline of Dissidia 012, although I'm conflicted on whether or not that's really an accurate description. The individual characters' chapters are mostly just retooled content from the original Dissidia title, except of course for the chapters of the new characters contained in their own game mode. After defeating Chaos in The Final Chapter, a new mode called Confessions of the Creator was opened. It feels more like optional postgame content considering the level of difficulty, but I don't know that that's necessarily accurate either. There was a lengthy credits sequence after defeating Chaos but I'm not sure I'd feel right saying I've beaten the game.

Confessions of the Creator allows you to once again assemble a party of characters, all of which retain their experience and abilities attained in the other game modes. This time around, you can even choose to include any of the game's many villains in your party, significantly opening up your options. Unfortunately, all of the villains are at level 1 by default and the only real way to get them leveled up for Confessions of the Creator's difficult level 50+ content is by spamming Quick Battles outside of Story Mode. There are some pretty decent options for leveling quickly, but you still miss out on AP for reducing the cost of your characters' abilities and of course it becomes quite a bit more difficult to learn the characters' playstyle as you go.

I wanted to include at least one villain in my party for Confessions of the Creator but a cursory inspection of my options turned up nothing much of interest. Cecil is still by far my favorite character. For the moment, my other party members are Vaan, Yuna, Firon, and Bartz, but I feel I'm not even using them that often. I like several things about each of their playstyles, but I don't have the same confidence that I do with Cecil--an important distinction considering the difficulty of this new game mode.

I'm not sure how long it'll take me to finish Dissidia 012, but I'm not going to try to rush it. I'm still having fun with the game and I've been playing video games constantly lately. If I have less to talk about because of this, that's fine--because I'll always find something to write about. Some days it's harder than others, but I'll generally always pull through. I'm coming up on a year of writing this blog and I still feel like I'm going strong.

Cheap Like Sebastien (Day 362)

I have logged an unbelievable 68 hours on Divinity: Original Sin so far and we're still not done, although it's reasonable to assume we're in the home stretch. Although it's not a perfect game, it is one of the most satisfying and consistently engaging RPGs I've played in some time. My main issue with the game so far (aside from a number of glaringly annoying glitches) is that it's going to be over soon. I have ideas for what I'd do in a potential replay, but I am typically not the kind of person that replays games frequently--at least not anymore.

Just about everything that Divinity sets out to do, it does correctly. The battle system is strategic and frequently challenging. The controls are intuitive and reward very precise movement. This occasionally leads to frustration when an errant click leads to a mistaken movement instead of an attack, but this is less a fault of the game's mechanics than my own clumsiness. Elemental attacks have synergies and ant-synergies and frequently set off chain reactions. Enemies will resist, absorb, and be vulnerable to different kinds of attacks. A high level of Loremaster on at least one characer will assist greatly in determining your opponents' strengths and weaknesses. Your other option, of course, is trial and error!

The plot is not revolutionary or especially innovative, but it is well written and interesting. The two recruitable characters you encounter on your journey will expound in great lengths on the circumstances surrounding their situations--and a string of unique quests resolve these issues in certain ways. I really enjoy the personality and rich backstory of these characters, but I have to wonder how the game would have been different if other characters--all with their own unique quests and stories--had been recruitable as well. Baldur's Gate II was fantastic about this. Every one of the game's many characters had at least one unique quest associated with them.

It is perhaps disingenuous to focus on what Baldur's Gate did better than Divinity, when instead I should focus on what Divinity improves on from that formula. Although I enjoyed the battle system of Baldur's Gate for the most part, it's clear that it is a dated and often unsatisfying system. Divinity's strategic battle system is incredibly engaging and rewarding--and like many other areas of the game, allows for a significant amount of experimentation. Enemies can frequently be defeated in a number of different ways, just as the many quests in the game often have several different methods available for completion.

There is a cavernous tomb fairly late in the game in which four towering guardians reside. These guardians possess staggeringly high HP totals and are capable of destroying any of the player characters in a single blow. One would be forgiven for making the assumption that these guardians are meant to bar the player's way indefinitely--unless a certain quest unlocks an alternate method of defeating them. This is true to a certain extent, but it is definitely not the only way to progress. Each of these guardians is affiliated with a different element and their attacks deal only damage of that element. If the player character chooses to tank these guardians with elemental minions that absorb the elements, the fight becomes a simple exercise in chipping away at their HP totals and resummoning minions.

Alternatively, you can find a tome that teaches you to speak the guardians' language and then reason with them to get through. For me, violence is often the superior solution. With such a satisfying battle system, I feel I can hardly be blamed.

Back Out on The... (Day 361)

I have the next two days off, so it's time to make as valiant an effort as possible to finish some of the games I've been playing. It's been about two weeks (maybe a little less) since I finished Front Mission 3 and I feel like I'm not adhering to the breakneck pace I'd prefer! Granted, I'm playing a couple of ridiculously long games right now (Dissidia 012 and Divinity) but--well, I guess I'm still making pretty admirable progress. Considering the length and depth of those games, I've gotten pretty far into both of them in a two week period, although I'm still only inching along on Fire Emblem, as it remains relegated to short stints of play at work.

I've already logged 51 hours in Divinity and I don't yet see the end in sight. I feel like I've covered a lot of of ground but I haven't approached anything resembling a penultimate encounter. Honestly, I hope I unlock some more ridiculously powerful spells before the game is over. One thing I really liked about the latter stages of Baldur's Gate II is that you start to unlock some pretty ridiculous spells, some of which can instantly kill or even freeze time. I haven't encountered a lot of spells just yet that give me that "wow" factor. In fact, our melee character seems to be far surpassing our casters in strength at this stage of the game.

As for Dissidia 012, I've reached the final part of "The Final Chapter," which I've come to find is a very misleading name. The Final Chapter comprises the stories of all the playable characters from the original game with an added world map and some expanded features. After that's all done, you assemble a party and battle your way further across the world map until you encounter Chaos, the game's final boss. I'm not sure how differently it'll be handled this time around, but I'm slightly worried he'll be as difficult as he was before. I remember the intense frustration that fight caused me when I played the original Dissidia several years ago and I don't relish the thought of reliving it.

Still, the fact that I was able to construct a party of some of my favorite characters is pretty cool. I once again decided to go with Cecil Harvey as my main character. His versatility and playstyle really appeal to me. The other four characters I chose were Squall, Cloud, Firion, and Bartz, all of which I enjoyed a lot during the story mode. Honestly, the only characters I didn't particularly care for were Terra and Zidane--which is a shame, because I really enjoy the games those characters come from!

Aging Faces / Losing Places (Day 360)

(The following takes place at some uncertain time.)

Deep beneath the earth, far below even the subterranean settlement of Jiendo, a series of twisting passageways snaked their way ever downward into an impenetrable darkness. The orb of eldritch light hovering above Terakiel's palm did only so much to light the way as he crept slowly forward, his footfalls scraping noisily through the dust-caked ground beneath him. He was outfitted now in a clean white tunic bound at the waist by a brown sash--gifted to him by Brea, the tall woman following a carefully measured six paces behind him. She had seemed eager to help, but Terakiel's strange powers were quite obviously upsetting to her. 

Despite wearing a very common piece of local attire, Terakiel felt very much like an outsider--and not only because of his ability to access the Strand. His fiery hair and pale skin was a sharp contrast to the locals' dusky hair and complexions. He also felt very slight and frail beside most of the settlement's citizens, including even Brea herself, who stood a full head taller than him. Her companion Sarah seemed very out of place herself, although she had clearly been living in Jiendo for some time. She was certainly tanned, but it was clear her skin color would never match that of Brea's or any of the other men or women in the town. Where she had come from, Terakiel did not know. Of course, there was much he did not know.

There was a whole world of cultures and history that Terakiel had not even the faintest knowledge about. He wanted to learn and absorb all of that information but he wondered if he would be afforded the possibility. Brea seemed afraid of him and so too did Sarah. He wondered if they felt the same of Casnie. He cast a sidelong glance at the woman beside him. Is it possible she had not told them what she was capable of? It occurred to him suddenly that Casnie had not chosen to demonstrate her unique talents since they had agreed to embark on this little journey. There was certainly still a distance there, though. Maybe they did know. Maybe they knew about Casnie but for some reason they were more afraid of him. The thought made Terakiel uncomfortable.

He had not chosen to wield such powers. He supposed no man chose his destiny. Terakiel wasn't sure he even believed in the concept. He had done something terrible; he'd committed a crime of passion. That wasn't destiny. That was a stupid mistake that he would never be able to make up for. The fact that he could be capable of such a thing--that's why they were frightened. They could even begin to understand the kind of things he was capable of, but they suspected, perhaps. What they imagined couldn't possibly be worse than the truth.

He wondered if he'd ever be able to forge real relationships with other people without lying. How many people in Illatha could not only accept his strange and terrifying powers but also come to terms with the terrible things he had done? Terakiel suspected Casnie knew, thanks in no small part to their momentary communal during her trip through the Exod--and since they'd reunited, she seemed distant. He supposed she had no reason to feel any kind of bond with him, given the amount of time they'd known each other--and especially considering the circumstances surrounding their meeting. No matter how much Terakiel rationalized, it was an inescapable fact that Casnie was stranded in this place because of him.

Terakiel felt himself being drawn unneringly toward a source of great power and his companions seemed to believe this was a good sign--or at least Casnie and Aisen did. Brea seemed to follow the events with something like horrified fascination. She was likely ready to flee at any moment but her apprehension had thus far not prevented her from tagging along. Terakiel supposed he could understand. She lived in an exceedingly quiet place of almost total isolation not unlike Tombolin. When a group of mysterious (and possibly dangerous) strangers come to town with strange and unbelievable stories, it's difficult not to want to find out what happens, even if it might not necessarily be in your best interests to get involved. Terakiel could not recall a time something like that had ever happened in Tombolin--and he would have welcomed anything that would have stymied his interminable boredom.

On the other hand, Sarah seemed as if she didn't want to be there at all. Terakiel imagined it was only her fierce loyalty to her close friend that kept her there. She was likely sensible enough to know that certain affairs just should not be meddled in. If Terakiel were to be perfectly honest, Sarah was probably absolutely right. He acknowledged that he was dangerous, but he was glad that he had companions at least for the time being. If Aisen was right about his assumption, that might not longer be true very soon.